The Long Road Ahead

So 2016 & 2017 were the worst years of my life which I will talk about someday soonish (maybe) to give the short and sweet (because I have already tried to write this post multiple times rambling on to the point of madness) I made the choice to leave my grandmothers house with my mentally disabled uncle, having then to abandon my schooling while finding somewhere to live – also figuring out what I can do to have money coming in and not having a lot of family support. this stress and upheaval of the life I had which led me to have depression & hopelessness for what my life had become.

I remember days & weeks would pass where I would just wake up on the floor that I was sleeping on and have no energy or care about what would happen to me I would just cry and not want to do anything. at the same time I was juggling stress of looking after someone with a mental Disability -() through a friend of the family I went to a therapist but it was too late for me (looking back) for I did not want to be open about these things for I still cared what other people thought of me & my situation so I was never fully truthful/open in my sessions so I did not get any real value out of the sessions.

I also had not told my friends much at this time I felt weak, I thought that them hearing & seeing my life turn in on itself would cause them to leave after all we had only new each-other through school for a few years and hung out occasionally what would they care about what was going on in my life, why would they not just cut ties with me like so many others, these were the thoughts that went through my head every time I saw them or every time we’d call or text I was crippled by fear.

Finally, it all culminated in December of 2017 where I had a stroke in my sleep which if nothing else was one of the nicer ways to have it from all the stories people have told me, anyway it left me weak down the entire left side of my body. I am now on the mend every day I’m grateful now for the people I meet/have met and for the friends & family that I still have but it was only by going through this dark tunnel in my life that I had a chance to learn why we all should look after ourselves first & foremost.

So in closing, I urge everyone to please seek help whether that be a doctor, therapist, friend, family member or even neighbour just tell someone! you will not be seen as weak trust me I’ve lived this, get the help you deserve.