Paying full attention is becoming lost to us, especially as we move further & further into our technology fuelled society. Perhaps you’ve already noticed this, especially when you’re outside in a cafe or out with friends. The constant checking of phones, notifications, playing of games, for me, is the lack of reciprocated attention given in these situations.
I try my best to give everyone I talk to my complete attention, which shocks people when I haven’t seen them for long periods. I can catch up from the last time I talked to them. Plus, it works out great for me that I’m better at remembering faces than names, which I definitely think is due to the attention I give said individual.
How do I do it?
Simple, listen to what they say, contextualise it so that you understand it in your own terms, and see if that responds to some experience you have or had, and go from there. If it doesn’t ask a few questions, I’d say always ask a few questions and let the person finish first. Think of a conversation like a tennis game only moving a hundred times slower.
Just as a side note: when I mention that contextualisation of a story, it doesn’t matter if you don’t really have much of an experience. That’s why you always ask more questions, because we take experience from others and use them for ourselves, and it will always help further down the line. After all, we developed this ability to communicate, why should we not get the full value of it?
What if I can’t do it?
You can trust me, everyone has started from your position in life, like your body being conversational is like a muscle, you have to train it. The old adage practice makes perfect comes to mind.
What does this achieve?:
Well, for starters, it polishes your conversational ability. I like to think of it as a dull knife, and the only way to make it sharp again is to polish it on a whetstone. Secondly, it makes you more memorable to that person because they think “he/she’s paying attention to me”, plus you will notice this when it happens to you.
My goal in ending:
Ultimately, I want to see and have better conversations in the world, and for the individuals in those conversations to feel heard and valued.
The Long Road Ahead 
Leave a comment